missing out and coming back

argh. so many things happened from the last post until now.

but, i will try to write more on my journey and thoughts, as much as possible.

lets see:

- my baby growing up to a hyperactive boy
- im getting fatter
- wife is not getting fatter
- my car is a monster
- widened belief system
- a little more clever or knowledgeable.

Life

So much i tried to get a life that i dont get much of a life, or something like that.

its much more out there than just rat race yo.

Live and Let Live

Im feeling that work place is getting more and more fcuktup. Rules and rules and everything rules. Its getting more like secondary school. Some of them asked, wat fcuk is going on y are we being treated this way?

Fcuk i say, those peeps above me said WE, are out of control. So the top doesnt like being flaked, and us dont want get fcuked, u guys better pull up your act and start grow up and be some smart ass.

D truth, people nowaday dont like to be controlled too much, where it will generate hate and loathsome feeling and resistance towards whatever it is. Fcuk i say, lets join me in Phin's Revolution!

Fcuk i say, when people started to become so farking calculative, they end up dIIIsstrooying EVERy FarKing thing around, i hope they come to theIr farking mind soon. DIfferent generation / position will need to have different thinking? Fuck i say! DOwn to your very fucking core, u r still a human that breath and shit like everyone else.

Human wasnt 'designed' to be perfect, get real.Its alll thoose little little things that make us human, not necessarily better or worst, but human aint some fucking machine that is programmed for sole purpose, or multi tasking so to speak.

This filthy rat race is getting to higher speed and wearing me inside out. While some doesnt know how to appreciate what i've done, a Gay guy friend gave me a fucking 50% of perfection points! There's someone who dont benefits from my effort but acknowledge what i did to keep my world spinning. The rat race had accelerate aging and death, so much that i stubbornly tried to resist by decelerate whenever possible. I enjoy every moment im being crazy and childish, childish as someone which deep in the mental have not grow up. I enjoy pretend to be a 7 year old kid, much more than i enjoy as adult and being serious all the time. I will need all the chance to mellow out, say what you want.

So much that i love to be in charge that i hate to be in charge. I've been a taker so much that its time for me to be a giver for the rest of my life. Its karma retribution and something like that. Being a good people, is it justifiable? Reality, bad people triumph and good guy finish last.

Sux donkey ball

i work out

4 1/2 years up here, finally some 'major' exercise. went for some indoor soccer with my staff, only 2 of us, and since the stadium is full, we just have some fun our self, passing and chasing the ball around and trying to dribble etc around. seems like im waaay off the fitness level.

Nevertheless had some good time sweating out like a pig, even for 1 hour only. but since i have a initiative to do so, i reckon there are more to come in future.

Gain: Satisfaction from eating TomYum bihun, back ache, bruise on kneecap when sliding around.
Loss: Mentally some weight, and RM6 for not so good tomyum.
Remarks: Must warm up slowly before start!

On other hands, 1 of my project is coming closer, stress from work and stress from the environment. i was thinking real hard to learn more knowledge and to get out from this rat race chain. But nothing can be done in haste as planning is most critical.

BB almost 3 months old. Notty and adorable. Thanks God and all the protector for this.

CNY eve

macam hell door been open. another fakadak CNY.
1st year pow angpow,double. pow for almost 4 hours only kaw tim. wth!.

back to work.

?

y birds shit on my car?

desserts

who is d genius created s.t.r.e.s.s.e.d.s -> d.e.s.s.e.r.t.s? that kind hearted fellow definitely have not experienced it before.

what i know is the so-called desserts is taking toll on me. somehow realize that the change of watsoever is caused by it and not something else.

getting tired is part of it?

i've prolonged my life, or should i not?

How much I wished to be asleep now. Even after taking medicine, I’ve still been denied a good rest. Today I’ve been popped some rather silly questions by them, which either they do not want the answer or I do not have the answer.Felt kind of fucked up as I cant really tell them whats going on, what do I think and how do I felt. It’s a death trap that I felt I’ve maneuvered out. What is the point of answering when its not the objective of the conversation? Feeling threatened, it leads to believing that I doesn’t belong here, anymore.

Think deeply, today event had caused me to doubt my next action plan. But how much longer can I stay at such unhealthy environment? Things changed, and I cant no longer speak the truth to them. There is a split of direction, which I know I am not heading the same way. Much of the regret for my wife and J Jr. Somehow I think I’ve failed them. One of the time that I’ve acknowledged my wrong “calculation” and actions. I have no courage to face them. As of today, I feel that my world had crumbled down on me, by my undoing.

But anyhow, life still good to me I have loving and supportive family and dear wife. Thank you for your patience and standing up my attitude. Without, im shattered into million pieces.

leave the place or leave the world?

already hating this place for known and unknown reasons, had no direction and purpose to push on.

can someone please bring me home?

another happy day indeed

Nothing more than,just some random guy with fcuked up soul. I had enough of this 'wonderful' moment! I cant use any words to replace the 'happi' experience.
Proven again, when shit happens, only your loved will be at your side, not he, not she, not them but family and stuff.. maybe a sign of doomsday, everything is twisted and changing to the dark side.

For the sake of them, I will try to collect every broken pieces and hold on as long possible.. there will be hopes if I pushed through hard enough, I believe.
Didn’t ask much, just for a simple and happy life.

its coming

i still have 5 , or maybe a good 6 hours to sleep if i fully utilize it. work and work. come tuesday and 1500hrs, its another chapter ending.

come wednesday, im gonna say hello to BB again. plz spread your leg wide wide, let us see your little joystick there =)

definately miss my fatty back there.

still coughing quite bad, and flu make its return this morning!

i got a big plan waiting for realization, project restoration A, and planning for another step. the wilder side of me urging me a "go", while the softer side doing 1+1=6 calculation to fully utilized the momentum of "go".

but, please enjoy fully the 112 hours that i need not to work. <-- is it really this short? nya seng ah.

bagai melepas batok di tangga

terrible sickness that still lingers for 2 weeks.and for the last 10 days, been coughing,sneezing and having fever that dont seemms to end. worst is coughing, that i felt my lungs or watsoever related internal organs seems to tercabut. even after overdosing super drowzy med etc, the cough still can wake me up.

pure awesomeness.. countdown 6 more days to go..

Rejoice.

5th mnth-heavens to the womb

Dear junior,
Hope u r doing awesome in ur pod. Papa gonna finish his work fast and come back earlier for our little talk. I hope u miss me too. Mumy told me that u r in critical condition now. Both us, gong gong po po, wai gong wai po is worry bout u.

Today papa spent a lot of energy to sulk and think deeply about u. 153 days suddenly seems very far away. Papa don’t know how to be optimistic with the figure. But to tell u, when I was younger, I like to do the impossible and scale to a higher heights. I hope u have this too, come out and meet us. We r gonna b good buddy.

Again, words cant express how much we are anticipating u. Plz b good, no notty notty and counting days for our meeting.

~love,papa.

5th mnth ? update?

Dear junior,

Hello. How r u doing there? I hope u r growing right and healthily, absorbing all things good from mumy. 5 more days, and I will be back from my work, imma bring mumy to doctor and do a scan on her big tummy a.k.a. ur temporary pod, just to say hi and waszup and being able to see you move and stretching thru the screen really makes me us thrilled. Thrilled is totally underrated, whatever the choice of words, know that u r our pride and joy.

Papa always get SMS and phone call from mumy saying that u r very active and playful, and knowing that, it just makes me want to come back earlier to be at ur mumy side, to feel your movement, to continue stories for u, or maybe sang u some love songs, kiddie songs. I believe that this coming round of check-up, we will be able to determine your gender, and start asking ur aunt MT to call sifu to help think of some great names for u. Mumy always said that papa don’t have enough time to stay with her and preparing for your arrival. “meet and greet” session yah? In fact, papa had a lot plan involving u, that sometimes mumy complained that papa neglected her. Hah.

Today 2.18pm, papa get a SMS from mumy saying that u r not feeling well today. Whole day mood thrown down the window. When papa get back to room, cant stop thinking of u and initiated a quick prayer,I hope it reached the heaven & blessing being channeled to u. Called ur wai po and she said will bring ur mumy to check prior to papa’s home coming. Cant wait anymore, even im eager to see you on screen again. Just hope they come out with good news that you are doing well. Rmbr to give a big thumbs up yah when doctor come and check u up.

~love,papa

4month. Updates!

Baby is 4mth old in mumy's tummy. saw the fingers, legs. Faster come november, papa want to see your cute face.

and be good, doc said you are sleeping at lower position of the placenta. So mum cant go around coz have to wait you sleep in higher position in mumy's tummy. Today mamy called papa and said can feel that you are doing the footwork for drifting. wait papa come back i sing you better songs and read you stories.

papa have to work somewhere so cant accompany you and mumy everyday. i will make up for that soon ok. c u again during next scan and we should start to think a nice + awesome name for u then.

~love

1 fucked up morning

the above title said it all.

sometimes u might wonder how fucked up it can be early in the morning. i tell u its disssssssssss fuckedup. given a scenario as below;

~ u phone rang and it shows ur manager calling u when u r off duty / holidays / having ur good sweet time / sleeping / taking a dump and u answer it, only to find out that more problem is en routing. u spent quite some times trying to "fix it remotely", which happens so when u r not in the fucking office, and someone trying to fucked up your day, and take note, my fucking off day and sleeping time. not that i hate my job or my managers, but to be precise, the kanenaubuchaucheebuy-retardedrmarderfacker-$!***porean who makes my day.

if u ask me well enuff, 8 out of 10 $!***porean is at least at kanenaubuchaucheebuy-retarderdmarderfacker-level. i hate the 8 in every single effing way. y in the blu hell that they are so proud of themselves being hated all over the world?

$!***porean, u r nothing more than me, the guy nex to u , the guy from Indon, or the lady waiting for her maggi goreng at New York, un-fucking-less u r walking with ur lips, eat with ur ears, talk with ur armpit, then shut d fuck up and make urself more "accepted" to the rest of the world.

peace & fuck u $!***porean. hahaha.

ops:failed

done a few things,but outcome not as expected. i was plagued with sadness hahaha.

and starting a new journey. i felt im far away from parent..

crank up and back to work.

mata hitam

cant sleep.......

i hope she will be someone even better, always better than yesterday.

and BB cant wait for you to come into this world.. there will be 7 months till we meet, i will prepare for your arrival..


today im mounting stress.

another step

Dear baby,

this is the 1st time where papa and mama saw u. You are very small and fragile and needs alot protection. faster develop and eat more from mama ok.

b good and see u soon

~love

haha

come new year come new promotion come new fun come new stress and come new experience.

enjoy.

mivec T_T