Live and Let Live

Im feeling that work place is getting more and more fcuktup. Rules and rules and everything rules. Its getting more like secondary school. Some of them asked, wat fcuk is going on y are we being treated this way?

Fcuk i say, those peeps above me said WE, are out of control. So the top doesnt like being flaked, and us dont want get fcuked, u guys better pull up your act and start grow up and be some smart ass.

D truth, people nowaday dont like to be controlled too much, where it will generate hate and loathsome feeling and resistance towards whatever it is. Fcuk i say, lets join me in Phin's Revolution!

Fcuk i say, when people started to become so farking calculative, they end up dIIIsstrooying EVERy FarKing thing around, i hope they come to theIr farking mind soon. DIfferent generation / position will need to have different thinking? Fuck i say! DOwn to your very fucking core, u r still a human that breath and shit like everyone else.

Human wasnt 'designed' to be perfect, get real.Its alll thoose little little things that make us human, not necessarily better or worst, but human aint some fucking machine that is programmed for sole purpose, or multi tasking so to speak.

This filthy rat race is getting to higher speed and wearing me inside out. While some doesnt know how to appreciate what i've done, a Gay guy friend gave me a fucking 50% of perfection points! There's someone who dont benefits from my effort but acknowledge what i did to keep my world spinning. The rat race had accelerate aging and death, so much that i stubbornly tried to resist by decelerate whenever possible. I enjoy every moment im being crazy and childish, childish as someone which deep in the mental have not grow up. I enjoy pretend to be a 7 year old kid, much more than i enjoy as adult and being serious all the time. I will need all the chance to mellow out, say what you want.

So much that i love to be in charge that i hate to be in charge. I've been a taker so much that its time for me to be a giver for the rest of my life. Its karma retribution and something like that. Being a good people, is it justifiable? Reality, bad people triumph and good guy finish last.

Sux donkey ball

desserts

who is d genius created s.t.r.e.s.s.e.d.s -> d.e.s.s.e.r.t.s? that kind hearted fellow definitely have not experienced it before.

what i know is the so-called desserts is taking toll on me. somehow realize that the change of watsoever is caused by it and not something else.

getting tired is part of it?

i've prolonged my life, or should i not?

How much I wished to be asleep now. Even after taking medicine, I’ve still been denied a good rest. Today I’ve been popped some rather silly questions by them, which either they do not want the answer or I do not have the answer.Felt kind of fucked up as I cant really tell them whats going on, what do I think and how do I felt. It’s a death trap that I felt I’ve maneuvered out. What is the point of answering when its not the objective of the conversation? Feeling threatened, it leads to believing that I doesn’t belong here, anymore.

Think deeply, today event had caused me to doubt my next action plan. But how much longer can I stay at such unhealthy environment? Things changed, and I cant no longer speak the truth to them. There is a split of direction, which I know I am not heading the same way. Much of the regret for my wife and J Jr. Somehow I think I’ve failed them. One of the time that I’ve acknowledged my wrong “calculation” and actions. I have no courage to face them. As of today, I feel that my world had crumbled down on me, by my undoing.

But anyhow, life still good to me I have loving and supportive family and dear wife. Thank you for your patience and standing up my attitude. Without, im shattered into million pieces.

kapal terbang

re-read miluk mt blog. xpressed her happiness on my happiness. back then i was happy with all d support and positif remarks from famili.

but now i am afraid the truth not as easy as i thought it once was, and i hate to break the mood.

is it the promises, the words or the love?

pain that i know that i cant bear much longer..

how i thought that i was onli depressed and stressed up.

now i've discovered that im also having bipolar disorder. its really painful to have to handle this all along and all alone. i hoped she did really pay attenntion to me,stop hurting or provoking me.

1 by 1 of my friend left hometown. i am no where to go and no1 to find in future. no more brother-in-arm or partner-in-crime.

anyhow just have to stay strong till the end, like i always do.

best regards,

Ping