am i really that bad?

These few days involved in some heavy drinking. Before this most recent experience, I used to drink and get drunk and get high and forget, sleep and then wake up. On Friday it was Tiger and Royal Stout.

So I just getting a little high and overdid it abit, and found myself still unable to sleep until 6am. Sigh. First time drinking alone till get drunk. Usually 1st bottle is more than enough and its too bored.

Skip to Saturday night, where the serious drinking was. Beer, red wine, some V.S.O.P and I had gone wild at the dinner, and 2nd round at the bride’s house. I was fucking drunk but I still can talk and act normally. Almost throw up but control, but I didn’t dare to drive luckily cousin bro with me. I cant remember much of the conversation I had with anyone there. But I remember I do crap about marketing stuff and taunting some direct sales company with my godmother’s son. I put up a good show there by gulping down every single beverage over there that contains alcohol.

Challenging part is, I manage to drive home safely. What I remembered is some guy, don’t know he was drunk or what, tried to stop me, flagging me to stop, but I was too drunk and luckily I didn’t ran over him.

Another challenge is to drive uphill which I manage to do well. when I arrived in front of home, don’t know why I start calling people in my contacts, but damn, none answer me. It wasn’t that late considering that time only around 1240 am. And don’t know how long inside the car, what I realize is next I was sweating heavily, and I managed to muster strength walk out and swing into bed. When I woke up at 4am, I felt extremely bad. I couldn’t sleep but the alcohol effect still kicking in.

It feels like dengue all over again. This time, not only I unable to get drunk and sleep well, forgetting everything but instead feeling the pain.

I realize I couldn’t escape the pain and reality.