clown

Am i a clown ?
I dont want to be 1.
But if u think i am,
I rather be a happy,
Than a sad and lonely clown,
My life's a joke,sometimes,
And I always wanted it to be a happy one,
So i will be happy always,
Having fun as long im alive.

I believe the are always cloud up in the sky,
For they will provide shade from sunray for a moment,
Just a moment, pleasure in disguise,
Whats more beautiful than this view?

~I'll be fine,when I'm loving you~

this is what, and not whats that.

this is wat bro SS answered me when i asked him to choose wether we work for money or interest.well i said that, at this moment, i would go for money.this is wat he said;

~ well, you need money to survive.you can be a casino marketing for a year or 2, but do you picture urself doing this for the rest of ur life? If you want to be sucessful, you have to have the passion in your job. if you like the casino job, then go for it. money is a by product of ur sucess.
Money is not the main product. no one will be statisfy with money. But people can be statisfy by a working on a job which they like~

fcuk, how can i possibly forget about this? but sadly $$$ is what that poisoned my pure mind and soul at 1st. but, some did answered me, how do u survive without $$$? with $$$ u can do alot things, when u got enough $$$, u can back to interest. yes, both have correct point.

Bcoz both have correct point, i dont know which 1 to choose. Eventually time is running out. Im afraid of wrong decision. the human greed is always there. i think its ok to save some $$$ and back to the interest some other time. what you think?

graduation. InvasioN!!

<-- group photo

last Saturday is my convocation. finally after 2 years, which for me personally its not that short or long, but im sure i do enjoy studying at college. ok so that day, happy and sad, both feeling mix together. the world was spinning slowly when i look around, looking everyone face. Happy because can graduate but sad because im leaving all this ?

                           

my emotion on that time can be suited with the song," Leaving on JetPlane".. there was alot meaning in this song, for example, leaving some1 we love. headache.. when i listen to this songs, i will remember few people,namely eiLeen. she loves this song so much.

quite some times didnt work, or play in the kitchen already. the interest start to drift. passion begin to fade. i dont know which way i should go ...

however, there is the last gamble to enter back the line.. luck, be with me.

p/s: lynny, i really wanted to get u choco but i abit bz. sori ok

am i really that bad?

These few days involved in some heavy drinking. Before this most recent experience, I used to drink and get drunk and get high and forget, sleep and then wake up. On Friday it was Tiger and Royal Stout.

So I just getting a little high and overdid it abit, and found myself still unable to sleep until 6am. Sigh. First time drinking alone till get drunk. Usually 1st bottle is more than enough and its too bored.

Skip to Saturday night, where the serious drinking was. Beer, red wine, some V.S.O.P and I had gone wild at the dinner, and 2nd round at the bride’s house. I was fucking drunk but I still can talk and act normally. Almost throw up but control, but I didn’t dare to drive luckily cousin bro with me. I cant remember much of the conversation I had with anyone there. But I remember I do crap about marketing stuff and taunting some direct sales company with my godmother’s son. I put up a good show there by gulping down every single beverage over there that contains alcohol.

Challenging part is, I manage to drive home safely. What I remembered is some guy, don’t know he was drunk or what, tried to stop me, flagging me to stop, but I was too drunk and luckily I didn’t ran over him.

Another challenge is to drive uphill which I manage to do well. when I arrived in front of home, don’t know why I start calling people in my contacts, but damn, none answer me. It wasn’t that late considering that time only around 1240 am. And don’t know how long inside the car, what I realize is next I was sweating heavily, and I managed to muster strength walk out and swing into bed. When I woke up at 4am, I felt extremely bad. I couldn’t sleep but the alcohol effect still kicking in.

It feels like dengue all over again. This time, not only I unable to get drunk and sleep well, forgetting everything but instead feeling the pain.

I realize I couldn’t escape the pain and reality.

A for apple?

So, no choice but to wake up. Tired as usual so both of us late abit, skipped those bath and stuff, coz its 7.35am d. Arrived there on time la. Today for my station, only me and Ian. He was quite busy as he need to take care the front line and teach me as well. I can feel how he felt, coz I’ve been in that position before. By the way, the storage, chiller and freezer and preparation area quite small, so when all those stocks arrived, and no 1 to clear them, the whole place become damn packed. And then no place to move, and when I want to take things also become a problem.

Damn. I hate this. Ok and then there was funny gay thing, that is when u get an order from the waiter/waitress etc, instead of ok or I get it, u got to say TQ. Err. TQ for what? Noob la. When I was checking how to do some orders, I just realize that its way too easy, and u can finish 1 order in less than 10 steps. Effortless. Same goes with mise en place. Get the preparation card and gather the ready-mix ingredient and then mix together with ur chicken or beef etc. Ta daaa. Kaw tim. I feel like a retarded chef from kindergarten. LoL. U don’t get to custom made orders, decoration stuff and even cutting vegetables also uses machine. I know every1 wanted to make it fast, but all this wasn’t what I looking for. No more standing in front and talk with guests, cook in front them etc but bound to the gay work and gay rules. Even I’ve learned every single thing in the kitchen, what else then? I might just be another "somebody" at Chili’s. Only at Chili. The job is far from a chef job.

Today is 2nd day ady. I’ve tried to love the job, but I guess I failed. I felt so stressed. My heart wasn’t at Chili or with me. I know I don’t like this, but I forced myself to carry on at least for 1 month. And then I set back to 2 weeks only. Sigh. Around 9 something went to eat. In the room, I’m too tired d. trying to sleep. But on my mind, its turning fast, thinking hard. Im having some serious self conflict. I talk with Kevin.

Finally after some discussion and decision making, I’ve decided that I cant force myself to take another day at the place that I don’t like, at all. I’ve never felt like this before. Even I don’t like, but I still can carry on but this time, I just give up. After announcing the answer to Kevin, I felt relieved and alive again. Sleep happily then. Wake up around 8, but continue to sleep back. No phuck.

Penang; beach, hokkiens, char kuey tiaw, Chili's. What else?

ok,cant run away ady. yesterday was coz "car havent wash etc, havent pack clothes, sumthing amiss, and dont feel like going"...

but now, no matter what, cant say that d. no turning back, just 1 way to Penang, and work at Chili's. Reluctant abit ler.

ok, now i still havent pack my stuff. summore later need to wake up early alot things to do...
and i want to watch some tvb vcd 1st. car belum cuci, apply those water repellent.so what time should i start my journey?kan jeong la. dont know can wake up anot. lately i cant wake up early jor.sked la. work that time, lagi sked.

by the way,i've teach 2 elaine and tiff bake cheese cake.its nice anyway. wonder whats other that i can eat next time i come back? haha. im hungry as always ^.^


shud go bath now. allocate just 20 min to pack and then sleep.if havent done then wake up and continue :)

tension la..

~o dew. just rmbr havent fill the convo form. dew.
mafan la

who's gonna take away the pain that i feel?

suddenly the feeling like, so ,dont know how and what to xplain. blur and saw alot vision. dont know which to go and what to do. need to cool down and think of it.

anyway supposely go to Penang on Saturday noon. but alot things havent do and havent pack stuff up,so change to Sunday. Duh..

work 1st la, then decide how. work, work. do i really like the work?

2day get a letter from college,about convocation. Diu, nid to do alot stuff,like survey la, submit form la, rehersal, this and that,payment oso want dis and that. ma9Lanfan. later nid to think how to settle this 1st.

VS or GC 1st? or both?

~wish me luck for my very 1st job~